Sunday, December 7, 2008

Ulysses Rex

This only happens when I lie awake in bed at night, but sometimes I begin paying attention to my heart. Like, really close attention. The fear begins with my noticing its beating. Then I ask the inevitable question: why does it keep beating on its own like that? Why don't I have control over it? Then, suddenly, the fear comes: what if I suddenly gained control over my own heart? I start imagining that I am in fact influencing its timing by just concentrating on it. Then I try not to concentrate on it. This happens every single night.

Oh, and I fear my own poop.

Note from Lounsey: I think this e-mail is amazing. A lot of it has to do with how well the fear was described...but mostly it was the last bit, just slipped in in 1 sentance at the end!

1 comment:

Toby said...

omgomg me too :O hahaha
I've done that many times. I'm actually afraid that just by observing my heartbeat I may suddenly influence it. Not knowing how to control it, it will just stop.
So i just try to leave the beating of my heart to whatever magical on goings have been keeping it beating all these years.

My poo however, is only poo. I'm okay with that.