Sunday, December 7, 2008


I am absolutely terrified of ventriloquist dummies, full body mannequins, and full body wax sculptures. I am terrified they will become sentient and kill me. In fact, I had a dream the other night that mannequins came to life in a store I was in and went on a murderous rampage and while I was escaping one ripped out my unborn child(I'm not really pregnant, that was just part of the dream, but I am also terrified of losing an unborn baby someday). Ventriloquist dummies scare me the most, and I refuse to see any movie or show with one in it. I have no idea where these fears stemmed from, they've just always been there.

I am terrified that something is hiding in the shower and will kill me while I am in the bathroom. No matter where I am, I have to check behind the shower curtain before I close the bathroom door. I also cannot go into a bathroom with a shower curtain during a power outage, even with a candle or flashlight. I'm afraid I won't see the thing in the shower and that it will tear me to shreds in the dark and that no one will hear me scream.

Everytime I drive over train tracks, my heart flutters and I get a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and suffer a small panic attack until my car is entirely over the tracks. I have no idea where this came from, as I lived near a train track when I was a kid and no one ever died on it, and I also rode on a train once. Just for some reason I am terrified a train will come out of nowhere and kill me.

This is the only irrational fear that I know the cause of. When I was 15 my 3 year old cousin died in a car crash on a trip to Mexico. The day before my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins left, my grandma told me to call and tell them goodbye and have a safe trip.I said I would and never did because my aunt had started a huge fight at a family gathering the week before and I was mad at her. After my mom woke me up and told me about the crash, and it was confirmed at the funeral a few days later, I started having terrible night terrors. Every single night I dreamt of my dead cousin with his head bashed in, all my other family members dying, my cousin's decomposing bones, or me standing in the road and my uncle swerving to miss me, causing the fatal accident, or I dreamt of other horrific things. I thought I heard voices and I honestly believed that ghosts and things were trying to kill me while I slept, and I began sleeping with the light on. Many times I even crawled in bed with my mother, I was so afraid that something was actually trying to kill me and I was so desperate to get away from the dreams. This lasted until I was 17, when the dreams and spectres only occurred every so often. I still have the dreams occassionally, and I HAVE to sleep with the tv on so I have both light and sound, because I am still absolutely terrified that if I am in the dark and silence, the creatures/ghosts/whatever will seriously try to kill me. I am so ashamed that I am still afraid of the dark and afraid of things getting me in the dark, and I know I must have been the only teenager that crawled in bed with her mother because I was having nightmares. A guilty conscious is a terrible thing. :(

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