Sunday, December 7, 2008

L. Morgenstern

First of all: Birds. Specifically, seagulls and pidgeons.
I cannot stand them.It doesn't matter where I am, if there's a seagull or pidgeon flying around, I am absolutely certain that if I'm not under some form of shelter, I will get shat on. I can be on the street with heaps of people, but I know that if even one of them does it, it will hit me. If a seagull flies overhead, I will leap and twist and bail at full speed until I'm standing under a ledge or a shop sign or SOMETHING. I have to, or I will get shat on and become a figure for public ridicule and always be known as "that guy that got shat on that time."

Depths. Not heights, or deep water, or anything of the sort. I can't handle being on a ledge. I can stand on the 100th floor of a building and look over the edge and be fine, because the structure of the building is underneath me. But even on the second floor of a building, if I'm on a balcony that sticks out from the main structure, I freak out. I'm sure that the balcony will collapse and I will plummet to my death. Even though a second storey fall wouldn't kill me.

Spiders. And not just in the "ew, crawly things" kind of way. I have to check the ceiling corners of every room I enter, for spiders. Because there's some sort of war of attrition going against me, that any spider who sees me will know that I have killed it's arachnid bretheren and immediately try to take vengance. Work is especially bad, given that I work in a factory, and we sometimes have red back spiders, white tail spiders and huntsmans there (I live in Australia, by the way). I have freaked out so badly at work that I threw a container of hydrochloric acid away from myself because a spider was on it, spilling 10 litres of 80% hydrochloric acid all over the floor. Even when I was wearing hazchem gear, because they will find a way through it.

Unlocked doors. I can't sleep in a room if the door is openable. The only ways I can, is if it's during the day, or, if I am really, really drunk. I'm fine with being in an unlocked room. I can accidentally fall asleep on busses or trains. But if I'm in a room, with a bed, and it's dark, the door must not be openable from the outside. Or I just won't sleep.But surprisingly, I live a normal life, and manage to keep from looking like a total nutbar when spiders/seagulls/pidgeons appear.

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